Bush Admits To Better Pre-War Intelligence

WASHINGTON, D.C., November 22, 2005 -- Vigorously attacked by Capitol Hill Democrats, President Bush acknowledged today that in the lead-up to the War in Iraq, he did indeed have better intelligence than did the members of Congress. Democrats have suggested that Bush's "better intelligence" would have led them to conclude that there were no WMDs in Iraq, and that Bush therefore manipulated the intelligence reports to "manufacture" an excuse to go to war.

"In reality", President Bush said, "I had much more intelligence than anyone on Capitol Hill. Even today, I probably have more intelligence than most of them combined."

When asked what he knew that Congressman and Senators might not have known, President Bush told reporters, "Look. I am not allowed to reveal any sources or classified information, but let's say this... I knew what Bill Clinton knew."

Bush continued... "I knew that a guy named Osama bin Laden -- the leader of Al-Qaeda -- was out to attack America (9/11/01 was a good clue). I knew that there was a group in Iraq called Ansar al-Islam, which was trained by Al-Qaeda. I knew that there was a guy named Abu Mussab al-Zarqawi in Iraq, who was trained by Al-Qaeda. I knew that Saddam Hussein was pursuing a nuclear weapon... which might fall into the hands of Zarqawi or Ansar al-Islam. I knew that Saddam Hussein had chemical weapons, and had used them on his own people. I knew that not all of Hussein's chemical weapons had been accounted for... weapons that might fall into bad hands. I knew that Saddam Hussein was pursuing biological weapons, that he had mobile bio truck labs, that he had Anthrax and Nerve Gas in quantities that were unaccounted for... again, weapons tht might fall into bad hands. I knew that he had given UNSCOM inspectors the run-around before throwing them out of Iraq in 1998. I knew that at least some Iraqis (who had no fear of Hussein's wrath) celebrated and cheered when the World Trade Center towers went down. I knew that Saddam Hussein had killed hundreds of thousands of his own people, tens of thousands of Iranians, and thousands of Kuwaitis. I knew that Saddam was a dictator... in fact, I knew that he was an unstable megalomaniac who could not be trusted under any circumstances."

When asked how he got this crucial information, Bush replied... "I guess I was the only one watching CNN and FoxNews."